I'M NOW A MAN...

It is true. I am finally a man! No, this is not because I have lost my virginity (that's another story). It is because today I changed a tyre on a car for the first time ever! Not only that, but it was rescuing a damsel in distress! How good am I!?

Before, if anyone ever asked me if I could change a tyre, I was also just say yes. However, when it comes down to it, I have never done it before and I wasn't really too sure what to do! It wasn't helped by Ford's ridiculous idea to put the spare tyre under the car, rather than just in the boot. Why would you do that? It makes me wonder about the logic behind car designers...

Another factor that meant that it wasn't the most fun I've ever had was the weather. It's just my luck that the first time I ever change a tyre, there would be rain that would make Noah want to break out his Build-an-arc-in-20-easy-steps kit again!

Now that I have changed a tyre and proved my manliness, how do I make the step to the next level? What else do men do? Am I to now move onto drinking beer? I really don't like the taste of it! People tend to presume I am a bit gay, but why? Is it weird that I can listen to women when they are moaning incessantly about irrelevant things, where most men would switch off or just tell them to shut up? And if I do show the signs of being gay, then why don't more women love me?

No, I think I have managed to find a niche, where I am just about gay enough that men look at me with a look of 'Backs against the walls lads!', whereas I ooze just enough manliness that women still see me as a threat. What a wonderful place to be...

LIFE IN A QUIET VILLAGE

So, I'm back living with my mum temporarily. Unfortunately, although when I was growing up she lived in the wonderful town of Reading, she then decided to move away from the crazy city life and now lives in Witney, near Oxford.

As you can see from the picture, it is a lovely little town, especially in the snow (so maybe once a year then..). However nice does not mean fun. Today I went out for a walk to try and find something interesting.

I went for a little walk along a 'river' and it was the most drizzly rain ever. It was kind of like it wasn't actually raining, just that the air was wet, which is very annoying when you wear glasses!

I also happened to be walking behind the worlds slowest man. Why do old people do it? They go out for walks and dawdle! I know they are essentially just waiting to die, but some of us can't deal with not getting where they are going. Even though I wasn't actually going anywhere!

After going along the river, I got bored and turned of towards the town centre. I thought I wold get some shirts for work, as I have been wearing the same shirts to work for the last two years pretty much, which is not good. I foolishly thought that there would be at least a Marks & Spencers. Sadly, I was being overly ambitious there. In fact there was nowhere to buy men's clothes. If I did buy any of the clothes you can get in Witney, I would have to go to work at an 83 year old women, called Doris, with pink hair. This, I do not want to do...

But then , what was this I saw? A Waterstones! A shop I recognise! Granted, it's a shop that sells books, which doesn't solve my shirt problem, but that can wait for another day. I thought that maybe I could find a nice book to read this afternoon, but being a small town, the shop was the size of a teapot, had a small army of people (all old or small children) in it and had no books I wanted.

At this point, I decided to head home cos I was bored and getting quite wet. However on my walk home I starting to try and be more positive and thought that all these old people must live here for a reason. This must be a nice town, with no crime and no real problems. Maybe it's not so bad. Maybe I could learn to love it! However, just as I was thinking this, I turned a corner and was faced by three of the trampiest looking men I have ever seen...

Hmm, maybe not.

WELCOME ONE AND ALL!

Hello!

This is my first attempt at writing anything on the Internet, so apologies if it's shit. So, why am I doing this? Well, I appear to be going through what is commonly called a quarter life crisis. I am suffering from a feeling of being far too clever for the position I am in, my friends all seem to be doing better than me and I have no idea how I am going to afford to live!

So, what has led me to be in this state. Well, here's a bit about me:

I left school to go and study Music Systems Engineering at the University of the West of England, which I pretty much completely fucked up. I left there and then found a job at an advertising agency in Windsor. I had to leave there after just under a year, which sucked. Then I sat on my butt for a while, drinking a lot and not achieving much. This lasted for a couple of months, but I never claimed dole money so I was never classed as dole scum! Eventually I got a job at another advertising agency and just as I thought I was getting on well and getting somewhere in life, I got made redundant!

And that pretty much brings me up to date. I am now working at my third agency and hopefully it might last!

Another thing that didn't help was being made to move back in with my mum recently. I thought I was never going to have to move back home but sadly I am officially a boomerang child. It does mean I save a lot of money. But I do have to put up with my mothers constant moaning. It gets very tiresome!

Anyway, I am going to write this blog mainly for myself, to write down some thoughts and stop myself killing someone! Hopefully some of it will be funny and some of it might be thought provoking. I doubt it though, it will probably be largely rubbish!

Good luck to all of us!