COME INSIDE MY HEAD

I almost had a complete mental breakdown earlier today. It's ok, don't worry. I am fine. No really, put the Yellow Pages away, I don't need a psychiatrist. Well, I might, but that can wait.

As part of my self administered therapy, I am going to let you into my head and tell you exactly what caused me to freak out a bit. Firstly, let me set the scene. It's a sunny day and so I thought I'd make some cupcakes. Yes, that is a little gay, but as you all know from this post, I don't really care. There I am in Waitrose, just buying the stuff I need. Naturally, because it is a Saturday afternoon, it is exceptionally busy.

Couples out doing their weekly shop, women with prams, teenagers that have nothing better to do than to get in my way and old people were all there. Really, old people should not be let out at weekends. But I shall save that for another rant.

Anyone that knows me will know that I am not that good in social situations with people I don't know. This includes anywhere that is busy. I'm not agoraphobic, I just don't like people. Actually, that's not true. I don't like being in situations where I don't know what is going to happen and when I am not with someone else who I can bounce off of. Sadly this is normally when I am in a social situation with people I don't know. So I am already in a heightened state of anxiety but it's ok. I'm queuing to pay, I am nearly safe and out of the shop. I can smell the fresh air as other people are leaving, those lucky bastards. But then, the guy in front of me turns round to me and says "Queues... You can't avoid them can you?"

ARGH!!!! Ok, most of you are probably reading this and thinking any normal person would just laugh and say something along the lines of "I know. They're awful aren't they?" However, I just kind of smiled, nodded and looked away. In my head, that was a clear sign that I did not want to talk. But no. He then carries on asking me if I'm from round here. Again, you would probably just carry on the conversation, but I panicked and said "No, I'm just up for the weekend visiting a mate." Yes, that's right, I immediately told a completely random and unnecessary lie! Why would I do this? The reason I did this is because as soon as I realised I was going to be stuck in a conversation with a stranger, a voice in my head kicked in and said the following:

"Shit, he's talking to you. He wants to have a chat. That's just not right. You've got to get out of this. You're really bad in these situations. You could suddenly remember that you've forgotten something and leave the queue. Or you could just put down your basket and run outside. Look, the doors open. Might look a but mental. Just concentrate on breathing like a normal person. I bet the woman behind you is pissing herself laughing. This guy looks weird. Maybe he's a bit 'special'. And why is he wearing headphones whilst shopping? Oh crap, he's asked you a question. You've paused too long to work out the answer. Quick, just tell him you are visiting someone. No wait! you can tell him the truth.. Oh fuck. You've already started a web of lies... You fool."

Does anyone else do stupid ass stuff like this?