VROOM VROOM...

I have had the best day ever today! I have been driving a Lamborghini Gallardo, which to me is equivilant to the Pope shaking hands with Jesus. I have loved Lamborghinis ever since I played "Test Drive" on our first PC.

Anyway, Lamborghinis are easily my favourite cars, and the Miura is one of the best looking cars ever designed. Today I was driving a Gallardo, which technically is the "Baby Lambo". Baby meaning 0-62 in 4 seconds and 500BHP. My VW Polo can be called a "Baby". The Gallardo can not!

So now it is the moment you have been waiting for... PHOTOS! Ok, I know this is very self indulgent of me but it's not often I do something this exciting. I have tried to keep them to a minimum, so here we go:

That's the one I'll be driving!

Audi R8's arse

Audi R8

Get that stinking Ferrari away from my car!

Look, I'm actually in it!

Right, I am sure I have bored you all enough so I will say au revoir and send you all my love!

AWESOME VIDEOS PEOPLE HAVE SHOWN ME

Right, I am not the only incredibly talented person in the world. I know, it is hard to believe. Much of the goodness in the world is down to me but I feel I should share some awesome things that other people have done. So, here goes.

Firstly, here is a video that my cousin directed. Unfortunately I can't embed it, but it is well worth a look, especially if you are a fan of The Big Bang Theory!

Anyway, next up is some random dude that a friend of mine brought to my attention. He seems to take clips from films/TV and make them into tunes. Now, I know this has been done a million times before, but this guy is pretty dam good. Here are my two favourites:

I am not always thee most up to date person with stuff like this so you may well have seen these before, but hey put a smile on my face, and anything that can do that has to be pretty good!

Right, don't worry, soon I will be back to my self loving, ego massaging ways. Until then, remember: Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

I CAN DO ART ME!

I've recently started drawing again! "Woo!!" I hear you all cry... I know, it's a very exciting time for all of us. Since I seem to have a lot of time on my hands at the moment I decided to do something useful with it. I was also inspired when I found the artwork in this here post as it kind of fits in with the type of things I used to do.

Anyway, here is a small selection of the sort of stuff I draw. Once I have finished migrating this blog over to its new home I will create a full gallery where I put everything I draw. Well, everything that's any good!

So, have a look and feel free to let me know what you think (good or bad..)

This is the house that Jack built... bad things happen there...

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...

...He got shot for wearing the wrong gang colours. Fool!

Simon was scared of girls. They are mean...

I'LL BE AS CAMP AS I BLOODY WELL LIKE!

Hello you beautiful, beautiful people. I am sat here writing this, listening to Kylie and I don't care what you think! Ok, when I say I am listening to Kylie, my iTunes just happens to have started playing a Kylie song, so it's not like I'm listening to her album!

Anyway, the point is that for years I have been called 'Gay' because I have a tendency to do stupid camp things. Hey, at least I am not as camp as this guy:

So, why do I seem to be the campest straight man on earth? Well, I was always told that girls fancied all gay guys, so when I was about 17, when you're trying to figure out how exactly to pull (I was a late bloomer...) I naturally figured that if I acted like a gay guy (without the bumming and stuff) then the girls would all swoon around me and I would have my pick of the crop. Sadly I seemed to be so good at acting gay that all I got was a load of crazy girls wanting to be my BFF but nothing more. Hmm... Fail. However I have only realised this now when look back on it. At the time I thought they were interested in me so I carried on being Captain Camp. Now I am supposedly so far in the closet that I am in Narnia.

But I don't care. This is how I am now and I think I am past the age where I can change my personality. Yes I like the odd bit of Kylie, I will happily watch High School Musical (I don't care what you say, it's very funny...) and I don't mind drinking big girly cocktails! So, if you want to call me gay or camp, then you crack on. I don't really care!

Hope you have a wicked cool weekend and big hugs to all of you! xx

THE PLAGUE HAS COME!!!

Yes, that's right. The evils of Swine Flu have arrived at my office. The first person has gone home ill and is now on Tamiflu. So no doubt soon I will be a dribbling mess on the floor, curled up trying desperately not to infect all of mankind.


But I won't will I? If by some freak accident I do catch Swine Flu, I doubt I will be in any sort of danger. Yes people have died, but they have largely all been ill anyway. I am not a pregnant woman. I am not old and nor am I an infant. I am relatively fit and have a good immune system. I think I will be ok...

So, don't worry about me people. Instead, you can read my musings for the day. Problem is I have an apology to make and I am not very good at that... You see last Friday I was being a miserable, self indulgent bastard. In the end, no one actually gave me a sensible suggestion of what I could do over the weekend. Actually, that's a lie. I did get suggestions, including going to the Reading Ale and Jazz festival. However, I ignored them all.

Instead I had a lovely weekend all on my own, just chilling out. The thing is I actually really enjoy spending time on my own. In fact spending time with people generally make me on edge and twitchy. Is that weird? I never know if that is weird or not...

Anyway, as you may be able to tell, I didn't actually have an awful lot to write about tonight. I just felt I had to make that admission. I am a hermit. Not in the weird, creepy, lives in a shed sort of way. I don't even have a beard... Oh, and because I am a hermit, it means that if I do get Swine flu, the world will still be a safe place. Thanks the lord!

WHY DO YOU BUILD ME UP?

Ok, it's Friday afternoon and I have spent my day writing invoices. Very dull. Although this morning we did play cricket with a small child. Please see this story for my views on children in offices!

Anyway, the weekend is coming and I should be getting excited. But I'm not. I have no plans this weekend at all... Why is this though? I have enough friends, I am not so poor that I have to stay confined to my house (although I can't afford to go to Canterbury for the day this month Kirsty!) and although I am getting on a bit, I still have the mentality of a 21 year old! 

Maybe I am just not grabbing the opportunities. I have a couple of ideas of things I could do but for various reasons I am not going to go into, I doubt I have the balls to make them happen. 

So, what should I do? If anyone has a suggestion of something I can do this weekend, please let me know. Or alternatively, if you have advice on how to grab life by the balls and make the most of every opportunity feel free to send me abuse telling me to pull myself together! It may be just what I need...

PLEASED TO MEET YOU, HOPE YOU'VE GUESSED MY NAME!

Right, I have a friend who has been bugging me to write something about her, so here it goes...

I have a friend, who is a little bit crazy, Well I have many friends that are a little bit crazy, and some who are a lot crazy, but I'll save them for another day! Anyway, this friend in particular, lets call her Ethel, I have actually stolen from someone else! Hee hee...

Here is a picture of Ethel. Ok, this is actually Ethel from Eastenders but never mind. So, I met Ethel about 8 years ago but it probably took me about 6 years to actually be comfortable around her. I have issues with meeting new people, especially girls that are kinda hot. People freak me out big time!

So, why should I write about some random person that none of you care about. Well, because if it wasn't for her I would have a very dull life at the moment. I spend most evenings chatting with her, trying to fix each others problems. It is all very dull and very childish, but it entertains me, and I like to think it keeps her out of trouble too! Here are some of the things we get up to:

• We make up games to play over the internet. Last night we played 20 questions. Well, it was actually about 5 questions and then we got distracted. I was supposed to guess what she was covered in. It turns out it was Cous Cous (So good, they named it twice!)
• She helps me with my career! Well, I say she helps me but what she actually does is come up with some of the best strap lines for products I have ever heard! She is a copywriting genius!
• We plan ways to terrorise our other friends over the internet. Not in a mean way, we just like to freak them out a little

Ethel has provided me with some of my best moments in recent times but we have also shared our lowest points together. In particular there was one occasion that was so low we both agreed to never speak of it again. Instead, here is an image that pretty much sums up that point...

This will mean nothing to anyone but her, and if I have made her laugh with it, then my work here is done. Ethel, you are a true legend and a star. :)

And if anyone else would like me to write about how great they are (or how horrid I think they are...) just let me know. I am more than happy to big you up!

A LITTLE BIT TWISTED BUT I LIKE...

I have just come across some awesome artwork on an great website. It is all a little macabre, but it kinda makes me smile in a bit of a sick and twisted way! Here are a few examples...

Ok, I got a little bit carried away here, but I couldn't decide which ones to post and which ones to leave behind! I am now going to hide behind the sofa because it has all scared me a little too much! :)

I HAVE A NEW HOME!

Well, I will do soon. I have bought my own domain name and so I am going to move my blog type thing over there soon. Anyway, it will probably take a bit of time cos I need to work out the design and stuff and do all the coding type thing, but I will try and keep this updated in the mean time!

Anyway, until I think of something fun to write, her is a picture for you:

COOLNESS...

Just on my lunch break at work and came across this. It has made me smile, perked me up and inspired me to do some work!

PICTURES THIS!

A while ago I wrote this post: FILLING UP MY DAY and I wrote some stuff about buying a camera to try and documents my life. Well, I did that and here is some of the results:

The Main bit of Windsor Castle

The outer wall of Windsor Castle

Some pretty clouds

A bit of wildlife photography

Don't stare at him too long. He'll steal your soul...

THE TOWER OF DOOOOOM!!!

It's Take That! (Ok, they are very small but they are definitely there...)

It's that there famous building in Cardiff. It's got Welsh writing on it and everything!

Ok, I never said I was Annie Leibovitz but at least it is some sort of insight into my life, because I know that everyone is dying to see what it is that I get up to! Anyway, I will only subject you to my photography from now on if I do anything exceptionally exciting, so it won't be that often!

Toodles!

BABIES IN OFFICES... EH?

It turns out that croquet is stupid game that shouldn't be played when drunk. We need never discuss the croquet again...

As I right this, I am sat in my, once again, sweltering office and there is an 18 month old child sat opposite me (not mine) and a 3 year old sat at the other end of the office. The three year old is playing with the worlds loudest toy chicken that plays the birdie song and the 18 month old, who has a temperature of 102C, is playing with a dinosaur robot, which admittedly is pretty cool. However, as he is an ill 18 month old he is screaming. I can't work out if it is because of the illness or because he is in fact scared of the dinosaur. 

I AM TRYING TO WORK! Well, actually I am trying to write this. Working in this cacophony is impossible. Sadly the children belong to the directors so I will have to just put up with it... No doubt I will be in trouble when my work isn't done and I blame it on their children.

PIMMS O'CLOCK

I'm currently sat at work waiting for one of the directors to finish so I can follow him on to the place we are going tonight to play Croquet. I haven't played Croquet since I was about 10, and that is the only time I have ever played it! Anyway, it got me thinking – why do companies insist on bonding by playing sports outside when it is boiling hot?

Let me explain; at the moment my computer is telling me it is 32 degrees Celsius outside, and I have been sat in a non air conditioned office all day. My arms are sticking to the desk, there is sweat on my forehead and my pants are getting very, very damp. I paint a beautiful picture don't I?!

The last thing on earth I want to do right now is stand outside in the sun. It was the same last year. I spent a whole day playing cricket on the hottest day of the year! Another sport I hadn't done for years. If companies must insist on us bonding like this, can't we go to a nice air conditioned restaurant, or to the theatre, or even a gallery. Alternatively, put air conditioning in my office and then I will gladly play outside all night long!